Uncomfortable

For the most part, injections have been getting easier each day. There is still a deep breath required before I pierce through my skin each morning, but I am no longer sitting there willing the myself to just do it already. And I have felt pretty good all week. Nauseous from the antibiotics and exhausted from not sleeping, but overall pretty good. I had the gall to think "I don't know what this doctor is talking about...it's not that uncomfortable. Those other women must be weaker." Right... Or my body was just waiting for today. When it feels like I have been slammed up against a wall. When I think there could surely not be any more room inside of me for anything else to grow. It happened overnight. Went to bed - felt good; woke up - thought I was going to explode. Add to that gallons of water and you get one very uncomfortable person.

As I have begun to get uncomfortable today and I started experiencing some sharp pains, my mind started going straight toward "something must be wrong." The doctor didn't offer much encouragement as he told me it was early in the process to have started the sharper pains. Yet here I am. And one look with the ultrasound confirmed that the endometriosis has run rampant and endometriomas are now on both ovaries. I think his exact words were "your pelvis is a hot mess." And he told me, to decrease my pain, I could lie down flat on my back or take pain pills. Neither of which are exactly an option for the next 5-6 days. Not exactly the words I was hoping to hear. And I left discouraged. And angry. And I instantly wanted to take control back from God. Because, what if God's plan does not include children? Surely I can make this happen with the help of the doctors. And thankfully, and prayerfully, that momentary control issue has passed. At least as I am writing this. Though I am sure that will change again before the end of the day. It is such a learning process.

The nurse called, and everything looks good. My estrogen level was just high enough to be considered "healthy" - whatever that means. And I have ~18 follicles, which is a little lower than what they were hoping for (they look for mid twenties), but still better than anything less than 18. I guess. Trying to find the positives in this overwhelming process as I am lying at home, flat on my back, drinking more water and peeing every 20 minutes.