Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Trial Transfer

Hormones have continued to build and apparently pushed me over the edge this weekend. In a fit of severe jealous and frustration (and only minimal crying), one too many people announced their pregnancy last week on facebook and I had to deactivate my account. While this is most likely temporary, and I did not spend much time on there anyway, it is a little bit of a relief to know I will not be confronted with yet another pregnant woman sharing her joy through the electronic world.

We had our trial transfer yesterday with only minimal increase in complications. Apparently my "plumbing" (as dad is reading this, that seems most appropriate...) is rather curved and snakes down, up, and down again making the actual transfer a little more risky for the babies. But aside from that, everything looked good for us to start injections next week. And once injections start, it is a quick process. 8-14 days before the retrieval would occur. So the first phase of this process will be done by the end of the month!

The doctor said he is "hitting me hard" with drugs since I am young, but that I would be very uncomfortable and feel the side effects. The nurse, when we had our consult on injections, let me know that I would not only be uncomfortable, but would likely look as though I am 5ish months pregnant by the end of the 2 weeks. Esh. That's going to be easy to hide... Already on my way with the first 6 pounds I've gained. Again, well worth it in the end.

I started reading an excellent book, Hannah's Hope, yesterday. Only 3 chapters in and I am already finding some encouragement. The author, Jennifer Saake, has some interesting insight into some questions I have been asking God myself. She describes her frustration and anger toward women who get pregnant who don't appear to "deserve" this blessing - the unwed teenage mother, the woman who is divorced or had an affair, the woman who is barely holding it together financially with the children she already has. And she says, "while childlessness is a trial for infertile couples and we consider parenthood a great blessing, for others pregnancy might indeed be the trail that God uses to change their hearts." While that is hard for me, because I like to be in control and think that I (of course) know what is best, it is completely up to the Lord when and how he chooses to bless His children.

Saake shares this in the end of one chapter, dedicated toward helping those "Burden Bearers" (Those reading the book to understand how to help/support the infertile in their lives):
"If you were to eat rotten food, you would soon be on your knees from the abdominal pain of food poisoning. As I writhe under the cramping of my soul, it is the bitter cup of affliction and stale bread of adversity that drive me to my knees in anguished prayer. In the midst of my pain, my focus may seem terribly self-centered. Please keep praying for me that I may clearly hear God's still, small voice comforting and guiding me through this process."

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