Week 20: 1/2 way!

So this week has brought with it a new sense of hugeness.  Yes, I knew in advance I was going to get bigger.  The doctor even warned me I would be seeing all new numbers on the scale. (to which I though, duh!  I know that)  I wasn't expecting it all to come in one week!  My body has decided to start absorbing everything as it puffs up.  With my weight gain schedule, I've got another 2 months now before I actually have to gain another pound.  Of course that's not an option, so looks like I'll be at the higher end of that range they like to give you.  Nothing's easy with this, huh?

BUT...baby girl is healthy!  Her heart rate is still good, growth is right on track, and she is  just kicking away.  She is now the size of a banana (though she feels much more like the size of the cantaloupe I have sitting downstairs on the counter!)  Some days it still doesn't feel real - I'm wondering when the reality will set in? When will it finally settle that I am carrying another human being inside of me?

Week 18: IT'S A GIRL!!!

After 4 weeks of keeping the secret, we can finally announce we are having a BABY GIRL!  We are so excited to dress up and love on our little princess.  Andrew is going to be the most amazing father to this tiny little girl - his face just lit up when we heard the news.  (of course, we would have loved a boy as well...)  We were able to share the news with our immediate families this weekend which was so much fun.  We stole the cake idea from whoever first made that up and filled a yellow cake with pink icing. making both moms cut the single piece and pull it out for everyone to see.  I think someone got a video of the whole thing that we will be posting at some point for all to enjoy.

Andrew was able to finally feel the tiny baby kicks on Saturday.  I have never seen someone so excited.  He has been struggling as I have felt her for the past several weeks and he had felt nothing - was feeling very left out.  Baby girl was able to experience her first Clemson game this weekend as well.  She got a great tour of campus and was able to see where her parents (us!) met and fell in love.  It was a wonderful weekend, but absolutely exhausting as being up and about, walking up those hills, and cheering on the Tigers had me tired enough to sleep for a full 11 hours last night!

And I think our fruit for this week is no longer a fruit, but a sweet potato.  Pictures of our potato to come as we have another ultrasound with the doc this week!

Week 16

Our baby is the size of an avocado! At the last ultrasound, we are measuring 5 inches from crown to rump, plus legs, and 0.36 pounds.  Such a tiny little thing to be causing so much drama already.  We had a great ultrasound experience last night where we got to see our little one moving all around - kicking, thumb sucking, smiling.  Really helps to make everything real, to remind me why I have felt so miserable for the past several months.  But I am finally getting to a point of being excited about being pregnant.  Of course I was excited about having a baby and getting to this point, but the pregnancy experience has not been enjoyable in the least.  I haven't felt the "glow" or joy.  But it's starting to come.  And it really is amazing to feel these kicks throughout the day.  Helps to ease my worrisome mind and put me at ease.

In the past 2 weeks, drama has slowed down significantly.  We have had no more scares, everything checks out with the doctor, and we are back on track with doctors visits falling at regular intervals instead of weekly or more.  Which leaves me with not much in the way of updates.  I love that God is giving us this time when we can be at peace with the pregnancy and hopefully start enjoying this blessing before the craziness of life starts with a newborn.

Week 14: Relief

I am finally having some relief!  Almost no nausea, and I think I'm already forgetting how absolutely terrible it was.  Which is wonderful for me since I am so anti-vomit/sickness.  REALLY need to forget those first months very quickly.  Ugh...  But I am able to go throughout my day without cringing at the thought of food, without hiding from certain smells, and without keeping crackers nearby.  AND I think I felt a baby flutter.  At least that's what I'm going with - I felt the baby move.  Not a kick but more like a little bubble or tickle.  Oh how incredible. :)

Our baby is now the size of a lemon!  Now, if you ask me, a lemon is a little smaller than a peach, but who am I to judge the baby size fruit analogy??  She is growing strong and continues to measure well above her true gestational age.  Her tiny little belly is already measuring 15 weeks!  Oh my, I'm going to have big babies.  We'll see how that goes...

Week 13: tired

So, let me start by admitting that I neither enjoy writing nor have a talent for it.  I started this blog as a way for me to express my frustrations and anguish over my infertility issues, to be reminded of what God is doing through the process and see his faithfulness, and to share my joy with others who may be struggling in a similar (or completely different) situation.  I pray that these posts will at times be encouraging and at other times allow for you to pray for us as we struggle.  That being said, when I have weeks like I've had for the past 2 weeks...I don't quite know what to write because I don't know what I'm even feeling.  So thanks so much for all of you who have contacted me concerned about baby Savant...we are both doing just fine.  I just have every emotion possible running through by heart and mind over these past 2 weeks and don't even know where to begin.

So let's start with the size update.  Our baby is now the size of a peach!  She is getting to be so big.  At around 3 inches long, I can finally start saying some of this belly might actually be baby.  I've had 3 doctor appointments since my scare 2 weeks ago and everything is right on track.  Still no answers for that terrifying night, and still having continued pain and intermittent bleeding, but nothing at all like before.  My OB says maybe this is just my "normal."  Not sure why my normal needs to be so stressful, but there it is.  On the positive side, I get to see our little one on a semi regular basis.  And she is growing!  On Friday, I was able to see her tiny, perfect little spine.  And now she is actually looking like a baby and less like an alien or blob. Look at that perfect little nose!

Right now I am so grateful she is doing well and growing right on track.  I still feel a little overcome by all the pregnancy symptoms (really makes me wonder just how stupid those women have to be who are on the "I didn't know I was Pregnant series...) with continued nausea, fatigue, heartburn, etc.  I feel like I lose a little of the joy just with feeling so crappy all the time.  I had a few days where I thought things were turning around and I lived life like a regular person before it all hit me again.  So I wait for the "honeymoon" period to start now that I am safely in the 2nd trimester.  Any day now...

Week 11: ER + bedrest

So this little one is just trying to hard to give me lots of drama!  I was thinking pregnancy would be this nice time (cause I made a deal with God years ago that I would have no morning sickness...) where I would be in awe and wonder of what was going on inside me.  I would wear cute maternity clothes and be one of those women who only gained weight right in my belly.  It really was a nice vision, very peaceful time.  Reality is a little bit different.

I'm sure God is trying to teach me something earth shattering through this process, or else it would be more similar to my pregnancy dream.  Sunday night was filled with terror and I started uncontrollable bleeding.  I'll leave out all the details, but let's just say it was bad.  My sweet husband who was in pain all day with a neck injury rushed me off to the ER where we waited...and waited...(lesson #1: patience).  After a few hours, an ultrasound finally confirmed there was still a baby with a heartbeat. (lesson #2: God is in control)  What a relief!  The monitor was turned away from me, but Andrew assures me she was dancing away, perfectly content in there.  The doctors could find no reason for the bleeding or pain I was experiencing.  I've self diagnosed with partial placenta abruption, just very early in pregnancy compared with most.

And so we left the ER with prescriptions for pain meds (which I refuse to take) and instructions for bed rest and no work for the next 3 days.  Three days of just lying around.  I know I should be enjoying the peace and quiet, cause I won't have too many more of these days, but I just feel so anxious. I'm lying here thinking all these terrible things, trying to figure out what I could have done wrong in these early weeks to make things so hard for the baby.  And doubting whether this really was God's plan for us - did I trust the doctors too much to provide me a baby that I'm going against God's plan and each step of this is going to be a struggle??  Too much time on my hands to sit and worry.  But our follow up with the OB went well, and I've got another appointment Friday just to make sure things are still looking good and the heartbeat stays strong.  And until then I am back to living on the couch, staying hydrated, trying not to worry so much, and praying fervently for this little one I love so much already.

10 weeks: Trust

I have officially completed all medications.  It really is a terrifying thought.  No more butt shots, no more sticky belly patches, no more visits to REACH with their angry red letters announcing my infertility.  And as wonderful as it is to be at this point, I am beginning to realize just how much I was trusting in the extra drugs to keep me pregnant and not God.  Cramping and bleeding don't really add to that feeling of security.  But have no fear...the nausea is still there!  I am going to miss the ultrasounds every 10-12 days and the check up calls from my nurse in between.  But I know God has a plan for me, and right now it involves increasing my faith and putting my trust in Him and Him alone to keep my little one healthy.  Tough lessons all around these days.  But I am just beginning to see how small my faith has been in the past.

So as I have graduated from the fertility clinic and have not yet seen my ob/gyn, no new pictures.  Apparently you only get a few ultrasounds when you are at the regular doctor...bummer.  Next time I see our little dancer (really looked like she was trying to dance last week) she will be 18 weeks.  And we'll be able to find out if she is really a she.  Until then, I can definitely use continued prayers for my sanity, strength, and faith.