October

Ugh.  It's October 1.  Sigh.  I don't even know where to begin as I think about all this month holds for us.

It's the official start to isolation, year 2.  No indoor activities.  No being around other children, having other children in our home.  Flu shots and immunizations all around.  No more running out to the store to pick up some groceries, no trips to Target.  On the positive, no more awkward comments..."Are those twins?" "You're hands must be full!" "Are they natural?" "Really? They're 15 months? But they're so small."  The little old ladies at Publix always light up when they see the boys and like to tell me about raising their own children.  But most people just say the most ridiculous things.

I'm not sure what to expect this flu season.  Last year, I wouldn't have gone anywhere even if I could.  Where would I take 2 infants?  Infants who screamed constantly, nursed for nearly an hour each session, Warren with his colic/reflux.  Nope, no way was I going anywhere.  But this year, this year they are more self sufficient.  They want to explore, love going to new places.  They no longer nurse during the day, so I'm not restricted by that for the first time in over a year.  It's going to be a challenge.  Finding the right activities, exposing them to new things and learning opportunities while keeping them away from any risk of illness.  Who knows, it may be easier than I'm anticipating.  I may find an outlet some other way since their isolation is essentially my own as well.  Too bad PT doesn't have a work from home option!

And then, hitting me like a ton of bricks today, is Reagan's birthday at the end of the month.  I'd love to spend the day up in the mountains, breathing in the crisp air, walking the trails we walked together as a family 2 years ago.  But...isolation.  Boys can't go indoors, we couldn't stay in a hotel.  And being away from them on her birthday doesn't make it better either, so we're not going to leave them home with family while we take the time to grieve.  Maybe we'll find a way to do it, rent a house that hasn't had anyone in it for the week before to limit their exposure.  Because the last thing I want is to be home on the night of Halloween, watching all the Disney princess costumes parade around the street, hearing the little girls giggling, longing for more moments we won't ever get to experience with our daughter.