Discouraged

It never ends. Discouraging news is constantly coming our way. Today we learned that the contractions are in fact shortening my cervix. Normal treatment? Cerclage. Just sew that thing shut. Not an option if you still have a uterine clot. Other treatment? Stronger drugs, also not an option now with continued bleeding. Thankfully we have a doctor who thinks outside the box and has us ordering a thing from Europe that will try to take some of the pressure off the cervix. Hopefully that will come in early next week and stop this progression. 

I am completely overwhelmed. I am trying to focus on the fact that the boys are still doing great and growing like nothing is wrong. But it is getting hard to remember that after these past few weeks. I keep waiting for my water to break or labor to start. And nothing can be done. I feel so helpless. I want so much to help my boys, but there is nothing that can be done. It is a miserable feeling. No more outings for me until things start looking better. I still can't believe how quickly they went downhill. 2 weeks ago I was told I had a cervix that looked like a fortress. (TMI?) Now, it's shortened by 65%. Starting to lose faith.  And I feel like I'm starting to drown with all this. How much more can we handle?