Surviving

Another week has come and gone, filled with countless hours alternating between the couch and the bed. Oh, how I miss being upright. And shaving my legs! No one talks about how to handle not being able to shave your legs for a 5 month time period. It's very disturbing.

Last week we received discouraging news. The clot was growing faster than the babies, outweighing them and crowding them. The specialist said it didn't look good and then basically sent me home to miscarry. Not what I was wanting to hear. We saw our regular OB yesterday who is a Christian man and reminded us that it is not in our hands and that he is going to remain optimistic as long as we continue to have 2 heartbeats on ultrasound. The clot had not shrunk, despite my increase in bleeding, but it wasn't bigger for the first time.

So I am desperately trying to trust God in this. Some days that comes more easily than others. Some days it's like I am suffocating with anxiety and worry for these little guys, and some days I am at peace. (Or at least at peace for part of the day). Slowly God is pulling all of us through. And in a moment of hope, I started on baby blankets. Crocheting came back easier than I though after six years off. And, since they are thinking we are having a BOY and a GIRL, I thought I could do them in any color and be safe! (The boy is the big guy stretching his legs, the girl is a little more petite)