Happy Easter! This is the first year we have truly understood Easter and the sacrifice God made by giving his son. How much he must love us! Because I would never have willingly given Reagan. Never. And I can now understand what it is like to lose a child. How much harder would it be to turn your back on your child, to put the full weight of the world's sin on his shoulders, knowing he would be going to hell?? I can't imagine that part. And for Jesus, to feel the shame and disgrace of every sin committed or going to be committed, to feel complete separation from your Father whom you walked with daily. Wow. Whole new understanding and appreciation this year. Because without this sacrifice, Reagan would not be dancing in heaven.
We were feeling so sad yesterday. Seems to hit with every holiday. As I lay in bed picturing Reagan wearing the most adorable Easter dress and having family dinner after church, I let myself get swept away into the self pity and despair, and sobbed. BUT, this holiday in particular should be a celebration for us. To know we now have eternity with our baby girl waiting for us. Reagan was always perfect in our eyes as she never cried, talked back, lied, etc. But we know she was sinful, even in the womb. And because Jesus died for her and was raised again, we will see her soon! So very thankful. And what kind of wonderful celebration they must be having in Heaven, praising God as they all better understand the sacrifice, as they have seen Jesus and walked with him. Reagan is missing nothing right now. We are, but she is having the most wonderful time. Nothing makes a mommy smile more than knowing that, no matter how painful it all still is.
Rea would have been 5 months today. Happy 5 months, precious girl. Mommy and Daddy love you!