Thursday, June 6, 2013

Going crazy

So, my original thought was: I've been on bedrest for 15 weeks, what difference does it make to me if I'm at home or in the hospital??  Let me just tell you, BIG difference. Yes, I would spend the day passing time much the same way. And there were weeks at home when I wouldn't see anyone besides Andrew outside of my weekly appointment. But I had a routine, and it involved bedresting in 3 different locations. I'd start in the bed, eat my breakfast there, read to the boys, etc. Then I'd move to the game room, eat my snack, watch whatever was on the DVR, read a book. Then downstairs. Lunch on the couch, sometimes sitting outside to eat, back to the couch to work on projects for the boys while watching my way thru Grey's Anatomy from the beginning. Gets monotonous, days passed by slowly, but I had some flexibility on my modified bedrest time.

Key word in that? Modified. I now get 30 minutes seated each day and can get up to use the bathroom. I spend the per 23.5 hours in the hospital bed, on my side, oftentimes just staring at the wall. I swear the walls are moving closer to me. Little by little. When I am having bad days, lots of contractions and pain, I don't mind the tiny room, the fact that I hear my neighbors flush their toilets, the beeping of IVs and all hospital noises. I am thankful to be in a place where meds can be adjusted, tests can be run, etc to give my boys the best chance. But I've had 2 good days in a row now. And the thought of staying here another 4 weeks makes me want to pull my hair out. The stress of all this is going to make me super attractive...wrinkled, grey balding hair, pregnancy fluff.  Andrew brought up some newborn outfits for the boys to put in the room to remind me why. And every time I see them (thanks Auntie MC!) I remember why. It's not about me or what I'm going thru. It's about our little boys and the life they will have. 

We'll be 24 weeks tomorrow!  Doctors keep telling us that is huge, though I'd like to make it another 10. I got my final steroid dose today to help the little guys lungs develop. And hopefully when they're still cooking at 28 weeks we'll do another dose. But they are looking so good on ultrasound and moving all the time. Here's the latest pictures for you non-facebookers.  They get really hard to have good shots of now that they're wedged in there so tight.  

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