Home

Since coming home it seems I have fallen off the face of the Earth. Feeding initially consumed 10-12 hours a day which left little time for anything else. We still have times where it is an hour and a half before everything is done, but we are moving in the right direction and closer to an hour most of the time. Having 2 hours before starting again just makes all the difference in the world.  I can actually shower!

We absolutely love being home. No doubt about it. And there are these great moments when Warren looks right at us with his big blue eyes or Dean smiles that make my heart melt. These boys mean the world to me. Even though Warren has colic and screams all night...

I used to be so frustrated and hurt by all the new mom who complained of being tired. I wanted to scream at them. Because what does tired for a few months compare to losing a child. I would have given anything for sleepless nights because I was up with Reagan. And so, even though it's hard to feel that when Warren is on hour 4 of continuous crying, we are so thankful for these sleepless nights. So grateful God has blessed us with these 2 miracles. It's exhausting and overwhelming raising preemie twins, but I love these moments. Like now, as I peck away on the iPad while rocking Warren in the nursery. Listening to his sweet baby snores as he is finally asleep once again.

It's hard work, way more than I ever thought. I pictured going to the park, making dinner with one baby in the carrier and one peaceful in the swing. I imagined double nursing them (and in my own ignorance thought that would be an easy thing! And that it would only take maybe 30 minutes...) I never imagined having to walk nonstop with Warren because every time you stop he screams again, or fighting with Dean to get him to finally nurse, or holding these boys all day long because they cry nonstop when they're down. It's not the rosy picture I painted in my head, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

As we continue our isolation (no indoor places, no contact with kids, adults must have flu shots, etc) we are trying to be creative with how we can still see people. Because really, I've basically been isolated since bed rest started in February. It's a long and lonely road. And so we are going to try to take the boys to Clemson. I may regret that immediately, may be a complete failure, but we're taking the boys to see where we fell in love. And to experience a football Saturday. A crazy one, with FSU this week and Gameday, but still. And to keep them in isolation we get to wear them the whole time so no one else touches them or coughs on them. Guess we'll find out just how comfortable our new carriers really are!

And that about ends my free time. On to another feeding with this now squirmy little boy