Sunday, January 22, 2012

Another month of waiting

So I waited for a while before starting this, thinking that 1. I would end up with a child and this would not be helpful or 2. I would start writing when things were going to start happening. Because how fun is it to write "nothing happened this month, lets see what happens next month." We've reached the end of our time of waiting, and it was time to start doing something.

Back to the doctor this morning and I was all prepared for the cyst to be back. It's almost always there, so why not now. Which would mean, no fertility treatments this month, but the start of menopause. I was ready. What I wasn't ready for was for my pelvis to be full of cysts - at least 5 of them, both sides, ranging from 4-8 cm. Sigh. Apparently, when one has this many fluid filled sacs hanging from the ovaries, one does not start treatment. One waits. AGAIN. "Next month" I'm told, we'll try something again. Maybe. If the cysts are gone. Oh, and there are no medications to help with that. And another surgery might damage my already crappy ovaries causing me to lose them. Which would make having babies just a little harder...

So, new plan, after waiting we immediately start IVF. Pay $15,000, gather up all my eggs, fertilize them, and then stick them in a freezer. My children will have to be in a freezer. Then we try to make a happier environment for them. That's where menopause comes in. So just in case there is not enough stress and emotion with having children waiting for me in a freezer, they put me on drugs which make me literally go crazy. Wonderful.

So, the process sucks. The waiting sucks. But the end picture of all of this is that I will (hopefully) have my own child. And that makes all the stress worth it. If I can stay focused on the end result, I can make it through this. All the needles, doctor visits, etc. There is no guarantee with any of this, which makes it that much harder, but since I am "young and healthy" there is a decent chance. So that is what I focus on as there is yet another month of just waiting and praying my cysts are gone by next month.

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