It took about 2 years before I stopped counting the months after Reagan died. Two years before I stopped catching my breath at the dates 30/31/1 - the day of her death, the day of her birth, and the day we said goodbye. I imagine the same will be true with Lucas. That the dates 9/10 will be a trigger for quite some time. That I won't want to be around people or work on my happy face on those dates for a while. So, here I am today, only 2 months into this second journey. Broken, and yet so very thankful for those precious moments we had. Grateful for these pictures I can pour over, for the memories we have, for the special family time I will always cherish. And I'm thankful that I am secure in my future with Lucas and Reagan, that I know our story is not over.
My dear, sweet Lucas, I miss you so very much. And I love you so very much. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you or wish you were here with us. You would have loved our mountain escape, loved playing in the woods with your siblings. I could just imagine you in a few years, rolling around with those crazy boys and fighting for who would get the biggest walking stick. I'm afraid you would probably never have won that battle. I HATE that I won't know, though, that I'll never get to see that moment here. My heart breaks for all the things that I will miss. But I am so thankful for you, and that I am your mommy. Always and forever, my love.