Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Summer travels

Let me start by saying I am so proud of my little travelers!  We've now taken 2 "vacations" with them and both have done wonderful.  (I use the term vacation loosely as I end up doing the exact same thing each day where ever we are.  And "vacation" has added stressors of them not being in their own room or being able to run around like usual.)

We kicked off the end of their birthday week and 4th of July with a trip to the mountains with the Savant side of the family.  It was so fun to watch Andrew relive his childhood trips with his boys.  And I know it will only get better as Warren & Dean are able to go on the hikes, eat the Kilwins ice cream, pick out their candy from the Mast General Store, etc.  We tried to do as much as we could with them (though no hikes or ice cream this year!)  But we did enjoy a nice picnic in Blowing Rock, playing in the creak at Price Lake park, and even suckers from the Candy Barrel.  I have some sweet-tooth boys to deal with in the future!

 Loving the creek!

Daredevil Dean isn't as sure about this cold water...

This past weekend, we flew (germs, germs everywhere!) to Kansas City to visit the Ferguson side of the family and for Ashley's wedding.  My grandparents and extended family were finally able to meet Warren & Dean for the first time!  They did phenomenal on the flight there.  I kept waiting for the meltdown that never came.  Such big boys!  No problems with air pressure or being cooped up that long.  We landed and they were able to get some energy out at the pool and running down the hallways of the hotel (sorry other guests...)  They actually attended 90% of the wedding and made it through with the help of a large quantity of puffs :)  That's healthy...  And then we went to the reception and, as expected, they were done.  It was 7:30 our time, past their bedtime, and they were done cooperating.  So, we put them down in a room right off the ballroom, where they actually slept fairly well while Andrew mostly sat outside the room to make sure no one stole them.  And during that time, I was able to create this memory...possibly my favorite of the trip.  Grandma getting down!  

I have no idea what dance move we are all doing here, but Erin apparently thought it was hilarious.  I am bummed I didn't get a dance in with my boys, but know that was absolutely what they needed.  Who knows when they'll be going to a wedding again, but I'll sure be getting a dance at that one!

All these family trips are great, and I am so thankful my boys did well with all the transitions and being out of their little bubble.  But each family outing, each trip we take, there is a little ache.  A sense that our whole family isn't there.  I wonder how long I will feel that.  How long I will be jealous of families with their little girls.  How long will it be before I can make it through a father/daughter dance without having to find an excuse to step out so I can sob on Andrew's shoulder.  This was my second wedding since Reagan passed, and I still feel my heart shattering at the realization that Reagan will never experience that.  I'll never see her dressed up in a wedding gown (maybe even wearing my own), hair all done and makeup on, so eager and excited to be married.  Though I am daily grateful she didn't have to experience the pain in this world, I am saddened by the thought she never got to experience the joys of this world either.  I know our present joys are NOTHING compared with eternity with our Savior, I know she is not longing for those moments.  But my merely mortal mind cannot comprehend what is going to be, all I have is what is around me at the moment.  And in that moment, it was heartbreak all over again.  I know if I had lost a son I would still have these moments, they would just be different triggers.  Anyway, apparently it takes more than 2 years.  Maybe it takes a lifetime.

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